200
by Susie G
Summary: This is my take on the 200th episode with JJ. It is a JJ and Hotch no Will. You will find out what JJ has went through with the loss of her first child by a familiar nemesis and the loss of her second. Tragedy had tore their marriage apart and will JJ live to make things right before Hasting's takes her life by unforeseeable circumstances. Spoilers if you haven't seen 200!


_This is a one shot for doritosmycheetos12 and if you like reading about JJ you just might fall in love with some of her stories! She is doing a great story on the 200th episode and one called One Hour in Hell!_

_This is my one shot version of the 200th episode, note I have changed obviously many details and having seen the episode only once I don't remember great details and have included some of my own. _

_Happy Reading!_

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Laying there she remembers the awkwardness of her neck as she hit the ground, before fading out. Everything had happened so fast. Hesitating to react was in the forefront of her mind, there was another life growing inside her. She had questioned if the risk was too great and finally amidst the commotion she decided to defend herself by firing her weapon. It was long after that, everything was a blur.

Now she was laying on a gurney streaming into consciousness, with the previous thoughts playing over in her head as if it was happening in slow motion. Quickly she opened her eyes to vacate those memories, forcing consciousness before again drifting off.

Her body ached, but that didn't matter, briefly relief consumed her when she realized that she and the baby were safe. She closed her eyes a moment, thinking how excited Hotch would be when he found out, it would help them, it…someone was approaching; JJ opened her eyes and saw Cruz making what seemed to be a dreaded walk towards her bedside. Instinctively her hands were already placed over her stomach, protecting what her and Hotch had created during a night of passion, leaving behind all the misery, pain, regrets, secrets and arguments of what seemed to be a failing marriage. It had been their last goodbye…before this.

A baby was something they both wanted and after a couple years of marital bliss, they decided it was the right time. After a few months of trying JJ found out she was expecting and nine months later she gave birth to a baby girl. They were living on cloud nine, savoring every precious moment with her, until tragedy struck. It threatened to tear them apart but eventually the adversity would bring them closer, but only for a short while. The longer time went by the worse things became with suppressed emotions, words not said and silence causing them to drift but tolerate. When words were said they were arguments, all until she had to leave and come here which relinquished the love they had once shown for one another even if it lasted just one night.

JJ never felt more alone as Cruz stood next to her bed. Hotch didn't know where she was and right now that was all she needed. With a sigh she waited for Cruz to say something. When he told her what happened, at the time it just seemed so cold and heartless. JJ pressed her palm into the softness of her stomach, hollow and empty. She looked away, embarrassed and vulnerable. There was no denying that now she was really alone. Tears flooded her eyes as she began to weep. JJ wrapped her arms around herself, suffering silently and alone.

* * *

A few years had passed and JJ again found herself in the harshness of circumstances with the past screaming in her face, yet this time the past threatened to give to her what once had been taken away.

Since the loss of their unborn child, and upon her return home, her and Hotch had grown increasingly distant with every passing day and even recently separated. She never told Hotch what happened and it was her secret that tore them apart, even farther than they already were. After suffering herself, she couldn't bear to see the look on Hotch's face if he found out. She drove the wedge, it was her fault and now guilt washed over her because the possibility of ever seeing him again was slim to none, if only she could have a second chance. She would make it right.

Sickness churned in her stomach as Hastings traced his finger along the top of her pants, grazing the softness of her fair skin, "I'm fine." JJ demanded through gritted teeth.

Cruz fought with himself. JJ had suffered enough. His hand moved to enter the code when he heard.

"No! I'm fine." But JJ wasn't fine. Inside she was screaming for him to give up the code, but she couldn't ask him to betray what they were sworn to keep. It was bad enough that she already had and that alone made her spirit weak and regret heavy as it weighed on her shoulders.

The buttons on her shirt were slowly being undone, making the process more excruciating. JJ fought back the tears as her control threatened to fail her. Besides giving up the code she had put up a good physical fight and right now she wasn't so sure she had the strength to continue. Closing her eyes she tried to picture the man she really loved, until she felt this man unbutton her pants, distracting all forced good thoughts.

Cruz yelled, "Okay, fine! I'll do it!"

JJ let out a sigh of relief, but at the same time she felt overwhelming defeat for giving up.

Cruz plugged in his code. Immediately following he was fiercely raised by his wrists, unsure if the sound of chains would stop before his feet left the ground, thankfully he was left to balance on the end of his toes. Without a moment to think he heard JJ scream and felt a knife plunge into his abdomen followed by a gushing of blood. The chains rattled as he fell back to the floor.

JJ was horrified and yet could only hope for the same fate so she wouldn't have to suffer any longer.

Her chains were now the ones rattling as she fell hard against the concrete. There wasn't any knife nor a drop of blood, it looked as if her fate would be under unimaginable anguish. JJ dug her hells against the floor to push herself away as Hastings jumped on her like a hungry beast. She felt his nails rake down the sides of her hips as he tried to take off her pants. Unconsciously she screamed, kicked and then as if distantly, separated from reality, she heard a shot and suddenly Hasting's was violently pulled from her struggling body.

Emily towered over JJ when Hastings was removed, kneeling quickly she freed JJ's wrists blocking the view of the fight that had ensued. JJ saw the moment pass as if unfolding in slow motion. She leaned to the side to see behind Emily, half raising her body from the floor. She watched as Hotch took a staggering blow knocking him to his knees.

"JJ? Are you okay?" Emily asked, unconcerned with the fight behind her. She had faith Hotch could handle himself.

JJ finally connected eyes with Emily and for half a second she reveled in seeing her friend feeling staggering emotion, then snapping back to reality she said, "Matt! " nodding towards his body.

Emily wasted no time rushing to his side and immediately she called for a medic.

When the view was unblocked as Emily moved to Cruz, JJ saw Hotch was nowhere in sight and neither was the man that caused her suffering. Quickly she bolted to her feet and was hit with a flood of pain emanating from her ribs, causing her to double over.

With adrenaline kicked in high gear, still able to walk, readily she took a few steps out of the room and saw Hotch chasing Hastings towards the roof. Her feet moved quickly, carrying her sore and aching body in their generalized direction. Still her arm held firm against her abdomen as if by some force it muted the pain, if only a little.

JJ reached the roof in hopes of gaining justice for what he took from her. This man didn't just cause the incident that killed her baby. No, he took from her a stable relationship and many months of separation forcing her to hold a secret that she so wanted to share. Just in the past two days he took her dignity, beat her down and made her feel unworthy, and defeated a she was forced to give up her code. With this came regret and self-hatred for what she felt was betraying her country.

With a deep and labored breath she ran towards the scene and involved herself, only when there was a moment of air in the struggle. When that moment came she pummeled herself towards uncertainty. But at least with uncertainty came satisfaction.

Driven and relentless she delivers a round house kick across his face, knocking him unbalanced only for a moment, while Hotch was briefly recovering. Wasting no time she rushed him again but this time he was ready for her. In a defensive struggle they move near the edge of the roof and suddenly they are both sent flying over to what would be a certain death.

JJ felt her heart stop as her feet left the ground. She gasped as her hands desperately skidded along the cement ledge as she tried to hold on and suddenly she felt herself stop as her legs slammed hard, parallel to the side of the building. Looking up she met with a familiar gaze, giving her security despite hanging off the edge of a building, she knew she wasn't going to fall.

Hotch began to pull her up.

JJ could feel the cement scrape across the underside of her arms as she tried to get a better hold. It wasn't until she felt the tenderness of her exposed torso scraping against the grainy ledge that she realized her shirt was unbuttoned and her pants were half undone and almost falling off. _I don't want Aaron to see me like this. What am I going to say? What will he think?_

With one last pull her feet hit stable ground and Hotch had her wrapped in his arms, not in a hug but trying to steady her. In a passing moment he saw the bruising on her ribs, making him then realize that she was almost undressed.

JJ looked at the stunned appearance on Hotch's face and pushed away before he pulled her in closer.

A few feet away with her back to him she pulled her pants up to their normal position, zipping and buttoning them. She then looked down and began to button her shirt. Her vision became blurred as tears threatened to escape.

Hotch was quiet and unsure of how to react. They had been separated for quite a while and kept up only a professional appearance at work. Hotch deeply loved and cared for JJ, now was the time to just be Aaron, her husband and display patience, compassion and understanding.

One thing pressed his thoughts and the only way to ease his anxiety about the matter and face reality was to ask. He took one step closer to her and did just that, "Did he hurt you?" He watched as JJ lifted her head and stopped unbuttoning her shirt. She almost looked over her shoulder to reply and when she didn't Hotch was met with great disappointment.

"Not in the way you think he did." She said almost inaudibly.

Hotch took another step closer and stopped. "Do you want to talk about it?" _Give her time you dope, everything just happened, why do you always have to push? This isn't an interrogation?_ JJ was quiet and it was killing Hotch. "He used water didn't he?"

JJ looked down to finish the last button, afterwards she nodded her head in a positive motion, confirming Hotch's question. JJ placed her left arm over her right side, _Just tell him, get it out in the open, no time like the present. You have to make things right. _JJ turned around to face him. "There's something I never told you." Her voice wavered every other word.

Hotch desperately wanted to wrap his arms around her but waited patiently to listen.

JJ expelled a breath through pursed lips and said, "You asked if he hurt me. He did hurt me, but it was a long time ago. He took something from us I could never get back."

"Us?" Hotch asked. He had an inclination of where this was headed, he held back his emotions, looking at the ground he regained control then looked back at JJ.

JJ could see a familiar look in his eyes and it already hurt to tell him but she had to keep going she had to get it out. "I kept a secret and because I kept this secret it was my fault we fell farther apart." JJ wiped a stray tear with her right hand, "I didn't tell you what happened because I didn't want to see the same look you have on your face right now."

Hotch clinched his jaw and looked again at the ground. After a moment, he looked back up.

JJ was now the one that looked away. "I couldn't stand the thoughts of watching another heartbreak. My heart was broken twice when Foyett took…" JJ felt her head throb with pain holding back the sobs. "Watching you suffer was more than I could stand and so this time I decided to deal with it alone, in doing so I destroyed the good we once had."

Hotch looked down and felt the wetness of his own tear as it trailed down his face. He didn't feel betrayed but he hurt for JJ and for what they lost. He was mad at himself for not standing up to save what they had, he too had drug them deeper into the abyss. He let her just walk away, "How did it happen?" He looked back up with glossy eyes.

Feeling vulnerable JJ now had her other arm crossed over guarding herself, "Roadside bomb." JJ couldn't hold them back anymore and the tears started to flow gradually, growing into a controlled cry.

Hotch had a hard time controlling himself. Quietly the tears slipped down his face only they were silent tears. He wanted to hold JJ but was afraid to approach, worried she might push him away.

"I was so alone." Saying it out loud and admitting to a weakness made her cry even more.

It was those words that gave him a final push, moving swiftly towards JJ he tenderly wrapped his arms around her bruised body. She leaned into him and he gently placed one palm on the side of her head, holding her close while the other pressed firmly into her back.

For the first time, in a long time, JJ felt safe. The man she loved literally stepped back into her world and without another word spoken they knew everything was going to be okay. A flame that once was smothered out by tragedy, now rekindled, burning brighter than it ever had before giving them solace and silent hope for a new beginning.

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_I'd love to know what you thought!_


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